


no scrubs

by cautiondonotmicrowave



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5'7" BUCKY RIGHTS!!, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Sexual Content, Steve Rogers is a Hot Mess, Top Steve Rogers, comeslut bucky... implied?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cautiondonotmicrowave/pseuds/cautiondonotmicrowave
Summary: "You’re washing your hair and body with what people use to clean the undercarriage of a car, " Bucky blanches.Bucky's tone sounds somewhat accusatory for someone who, not five minutes ago, begged a regular user of three-in-one to come in his ass.orSteve Rogers is a three-in-one body wash using heathen.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 21
Kudos: 240





	no scrubs

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by men who use three-in-one body-wash everywhere. you are simultaneously our strongest and weakest soldiers.
> 
> this is unbeta'd! but i hope you enjoy, regardless :))
> 
> -mil

_"STEVE!"_ Bucky all but screams.

Steve's brain is still mush from the absolute fuck-athon he and Bucky just finished having, so it takes a few seconds for his mind to catch up, and even longer for his mouth to convey said catching up.

"Guh?" he responds intelligently.

Bucky's standing at the entrance to Steve's en suite, naked as the day he was born, long hair clinging wetly to his shoulders from the shower he has, evidently, failed to take. 

_!!!WANT!!!_ makes its way to the forefront of Steve's mind, and Steve's dick gives a valiant twitch despite just getting wrung-the-fuck-dry.

"What in the ever-loving _fuck_ is this?" Bucky says, eyes wide while holding up Steve's almost empty three-in-one.

"Uh," Steve blinks, "My body wash?"

Bucky looks like he's going to combust, " _And_ shampoo _and_ conditioner."

Steve blanks. What's so bad about three-in-one?

"Uh-huh?" Steve asks.

"And you are washing your hair with what people use to clean the _undercarriage of a car,_ " Bucky blanches.

His tone sounds somewhat accusatory for someone who, not five minutes ago, asked a regular user of said "undercarriage wash" to come in his ass.

Well, Steve's post-orgasmic high is (half) gone. 

"And it works and makes me smell like," Steve pauses, standing up on still-shaky legs and grabbing the bottle from Bucky's hand, " _Dragonblast._ Pretty badass, huh?"

Bucky sucks the inside of his cheek, "I was going to give you a break on the name because using twenty-seven-in-one is embarrassing enough, but _Dragonblast_? The fuck were you thinking, Stevie?"

Steve shrugs, shaking his head, "Dunno, beats me."

Sighing, Bucky bends down to pick his rumpled up slacks off of the floor _( !!!WANT!!!)_ "Kinda expected more from you, really disappointed. This," he says, pointing to the dreaded forty-in-one, "is a _travesty_ , and I just won't have it. Might just be a done deal, Rogers."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Bucky smirks, jumping into his pants and looking around for his shirt, "You comin' with me, or are you stayin' here?"

Steve blinks, "Going with you, but I dunno where we're goin', so if this is your plan to murk me in some alley, let me know 'head 'a time."

"Okay," Bucky smiles, getting up on his toes to give Steve a peck on the lips.

Bucky gathers his hair into a bun once they're dressed, and they're out the door.

They've been going out for about a month, and, honestly? It's been the best month of Steve's life. He's never met someone as witty or charming as Bucky, someone so easy to get along with. Bucky makes Steve feel complete in a way no one else has ever done before. And he's a hell of a nice lay, to boot, but that's just a plus.

It's kind of funny that the first time Bucky stays over at Steve's, Bucky discovers Steve washes with _Straight-Man-Roo-Ha-Ha_ body-wash. He's known since he and Bucky first slept and spent the night together that Bucky had religious hair care _and_ skincare routines. He just didn't think Bucky'd be this scandalized.

Bucky waltzes into the closest bodega to Steve's apartment, with Steve trailing close behind him like he's never been there before; it's practically empty, what with it being almost, Steve checks his phone, _four-fucking-thirty-in-the-goddamn-morning._

Fuck, he didn't know it was _that late._

_TGIF._

Like a moth to a flame, Bucky practically bolts for the hair-care section. He takes a few moments to assess each shampoo and conditioner bottle's ingredients and settles on Shea Moisture with a sigh.

"Never thought I'd buy convenience-store shampoo ever again, but-" he huffs, shoving the bottles into Steve's hands with a lopsided smile, "gotta make do with what we got."

Bucky starts to make his way towards the body wash when he notices Steve's still looking over the shampoos.

"Uh, Steve? Ya comin'?"

Steve nods and furrows his brows, picking up Suave combination shampoo and conditioner, "Isn't this a better deal, Buck? I mean, it's better than the three-in-one, an'-"

"Electric chair. Immediately, go." he kids.

Smirking, Steve puts the Suave bottle back down on the shelf and follows Bucky to the body-wash.

Bucky goes through all of the bottles just like he did for the shampoo and conditioner. Steve wouldn't be surprised if this is the world record for the longest amount of time a customer has ever spent in a bodega in the history of ever.

He settles on Paula's Choice, and they check out, their total coming to more than Steve ever thought possible for some hygiene products. Still, Steve digresses, Bucky's worth it.

When they get back to Steve's place, Bucky invites Steve to shower with him, and like _hell_ , Steve is going to pass up that.

They give each other shampoo mohawks and smash body-wash suds in each other's faces; they get a little carried away when they start kissing and end up fucking again. Bucky scrambles out of the shower, and almost falls getting the lube from Steve's nightstand, but it all works out in the end. 

It's slow and torturous, Steve keeping an eye on Bucky to gauge his reactions, barely holding out until Bucky comes, clenching around Steve. They have to wash-up again, but Steve doesn't care, and he doesn't think Bucky does, either.

As Bucky whips out his face wash and other fangled things from his overnight bag after they finally get out of the shower, Steve watches from the doorway. 

And, damn, if his chest doesn't get tight from the goddamn domesticity of it all.

Bucky's doing a nine-step skincare routine, and Steve's _watching him do it_. He's never cared about something as trivial as a fucking skincare routine before, but he _does._

He just _wants_ , and hell, if that doesn't scare him more than anything.

After all is said and done, they're lying in Steve's bed as the sun rises, Bucky resting on Steve's chest, playing with the light dusting of hair there. "Your skin's so soft now, and that's only after one - two washes, now innt that somethin'?" Bucky yawns. He reaches up and runs his fingers through Steve's hair, "Look 'it you, blonde beauty. Shiny hair of gold 'n all now."

"Mhm."

Bucky leans lays his head on Steve's shoulder again and resumes his finger trail along Steve's chest, "You 'ven smell better. N'more _Dragonblast_ for you. Smell like roses and sun-"

"Move in w' me." Steve blurts out suddenly and instantly goes red. 

_Fuck. What a hunk of shit you are, Steve. THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, DUMBASS._

Steve almost takes it back as Bucky's fingers stop running over his chest, and his breath hitches.

He looks up at Steve, his eyes full of hope, "Really?"

He smiles softly, drags his hand up Bucky's spine, and cups his cheek, "Yes, really."

It may be too soon, but Steve doesn't fucking care. Nothing's too soon with Bucky. 

It feels _right_.

He feels complete with Bucky; wants to wake up with him, wants to fall asleep knowing he's there, wants to cook with him, wants to vent to him, wants to be his shoulder to cry on, to be the one he bickers with all the time, be the one Bucky depends on for love and wants a _life_ with him. God, Steve's even thinking about _kids_ with him and they're only one goddamn month in.

Bucky beams and wraps his arms around Steve's neck, squealing with unadulterated joy. Steve hugs Bucky in kind and kisses him until there's no breath left in his lungs.

"I love you," Bucky says breathlessly. And, _God_ , if that doesn't make Steve's heart skip a fucking beat.

"Ya mean it?"

"You bet, jerk."

Bucky's hair is wild, sticking up this way and that, and his face is red, lips slick with spit, and _Jesus Christ_ , Steve wouldn't have this moment any other way. 

"I love you, too, punk."

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be just crack but it got all schmoopy so,,,,, yeah
> 
> drop me a comment if you like!


End file.
